Stanford Female CS Student: I Fight Impostor Syndrome | LadyCoders

Feb 25, 2013 byvinamratas

Vinamrata Singal is a freshman at Stanford majoring in Computer Science. She will be posting semi-regularly about her experiences as a woman in CS in college, as well as her treks around the area. Follow me @vinamratas!

 This past week, in my quest to find something to do this summer, I interviewed with a professor from Stanford’s CS department to do research with. The interview was going OK, the technical question was very straightforward, and the design question was difficult but doable. As we wrapped up the interview, he asked me whether I would pick this over an industry internship.

I told him of an internship offer I had, and having no idea whether I would pick this over an internship. “I didn’t think they really tested me, you know? I felt like I only got the internship because I was from Stanford.”

“Impostor Syndrome!” he cried out.

Wait, pause a second. I was no impostor. What did that even mean?

When I went back to my previous LadyCoders post, I realized that Tarah had put my post under “Impostor Syndrome.” I ended up googling this strange term. According to Wikipedia, Impostor Syndrome is a “a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishment.”

Lolwut, let’s step back once more. Internalize accomplishments? I could definitely internalize my accomplishments! Just because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about them doesn’t mean I can’t internalize them… or could I?

I realized that this was something that I’d felt from day one of making the decision I wanted to be in tech. Maybe I read into things too much, or maybe I felt like I didn’t belong, but basically I never felt part of the “tech” community. I didn’t quite understand why, but I didn’t feel that I was a “CS major” or an “entrepreneur” or a “hacker” or anything really. When I’m older, or have taken this class, then I’ll be a CS person, I told myself. But that time never came, because the fencepost just kept on moving. What went from CS106A went to 106B went to 107 and I’m sure will continue until I get my degree, but even then I’ll have some roadblock to hinder me.

I was talking to another self-taught developer this weekend, who told me how she always referred to herself as a person teaching herself how to code, leading people not to take her seriously. “One day, one of my friends told me to stop that and call myself a developer. You have to take that big, scary step and just do it: call yourself a developer.”

So to all the girls learning how to code, and not sure where you stand: screw it, and just call yourself a developer already. You should be proud of all you know, and realize that even the best people don’t know everything. So don’t consider yourself an impostor: you truly belong in the tech community, regardless of how much you know or how little. The good thing is you want to learn, and that’s all that matters.